Real Cause Of Swine Flu discovered
scientists have made a breathtaking discovery and found that swine flu was actually spread by social workers.The amazing disovering was found after thousands of parents and children complained that they were pig sick of social services.Scientists found a link that social workers were spreading the virus orally by spraying verbal diarrorha.
Dr psychbabble said ” This is a groundbreaking discovery that may save the bacon of thousands of children and families.” He called for the immediate vaccination of every social worker in the land which would have to be injected in their eyeballs.Those that refuse to have vaccine face having compulsory tongue amputations and mouths stitched up to prevent it passing to nspcc workers, barnados,cafcass,and judges although early signs show it may already be to late.
A spokesman for the national swine flu helpline revealed they have already been innundated with calls from cafcass officers that think they have caught it from telling ” porkies “.
We tried to get several people to comment but they all said they were prevented from doing so after being gagged under family law.
This is yet another blow to social services.!
Baroness Dulleth Mingin spokesperson for the Dcsf said ” atchoo oink sniff ”
NEW BATCH OF PERSONALITY DISORDERS DISCOVERED
A doctor who was commissioned by the family courts to do research on personality disorders has revealed there are many more than first thought.
Dr Pindick was paid £ 1000567987 by a family judge to assess thousands of parents whos children had been removed by social services.
He discovered that the new personality disorders include
loath and despise syndrome ….. a parents hatred of social workers
your all corrupt lying bastards syndrome….. a parents hatred of family courts.
stick your order up your arse syndrome……. parents refusing to be gagged.
He also discovered a new strain of tourettes after observing many parents using launguage such as ” fuck ss, fuck cafcass ,all lying bastards,twats, wankers ”
He proclaimed these to be wildy abnormal and sectioned all parents to a mental institution on remote island in the hebrides.
Our reporter visited the hospital and witnessed thousands of parents wearing a straightgag which is a new defice fitted around the mouth to prevent them saying obscenities.
Social WoRKERS now connected to gang bangs
social workers are desperate for their profession to be taken positively instead of being known as child snatchers and child abusers.
They have recruited Goldie drum n bass artist to give them a glint of hope through his gold teeth.
Goldie who appears in a promo video for social work was about to say before the video cut off ” big up the social worker massive they are so supportive of me and my family especially my son whos on trial for stabbing a disabled person through the heart ”
Ed bollocks has suggested social workers start to wear baseball caps and hoodies in their chosen gang colours to make them appear more friendly.
Each will be given a flick knife and baseball bat to ward of angry parents.
Social wokers welcomed the move they are also keen to take lessons in ghetto talk.
DEAR CHILDREN YOU ARE ALL INVITED TO A PARTY
THERE WILL BE JELLY AND ICE CREAM AND A CLOWN CALLED MR BALLS
YOU WILL GET TO MEET LOTS OF PEOPLE INCLUDING LESBIANS,GAY MEN,BARREN COUPLES AND PAEDOPHILES
THERE WILL BE PLENTY OF GAMES INCLUDING
PASS THE PARCEL …. WHERE YOU WILL HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO BE THE PARCEL
MUSICAL BUMPS …… WHERE YOU WILL BE PASSED AROUND AND MADE TO SIT ON SOMEONES LAP WHEN THE MUSIC STOPS
MUSICAL STATUES ….. WHERE AS SOON AS THE MUSIC STOPS YOU WILL HAVE TO FORCE A SMILE
AT THE END OF THE PARTY ONE OF THE GUESTS WITH BE ENCOURAGED TO TAKE YOU HOME IN A GOODY BAG
TIME : SECRET
VENUE : SECRET